For the month of January we practiced sitting alone with nature. A participant asked for a practice they could do with a companion. In the words of Westley from Princess Bride: “As you wish.”
Valentine’s Day usually means roses, chocolate, and dinner reservations. This year, try 20 minutes of shared stillness that costs nothing and might actually make you feel connected.
This practice is called Side-by-Side. It works for romantic partners, close friends, siblings, basically whoever you feel safe spending time with outdoors.
When you sit side-by-side in nature, your nervous systems sync up through bio-behavioral synchrony. Heart rates stabilize. Breath patterns influence each other. You both downshift from stress into calm.
Co-regulation is free. No reservations required.
What you need:
- A sit spot (bench, log, grass, anywhere outdoors)
- 20 minutes
- Optional: blanket or cushion
What you don’t need:
- Perfect weather
- Wilderness
- Meditation experience
- Romance
Doing this solo? Sit, breathe, ground, and then do your own treasure hunt. Same practice, just you and the earth.
Let’s Try!
Find any outdoor space where you can sit side-by-side. A park bench, a log, your front steps, a patch of grass.
Set aside 20 minutes (put a timer on if you wish) and put your phones aside.
If you brought a cushion or blanket you can place them down. Get as comfortable as you can. In the words of Davidji, “feather your nest.“
Just Breathe
Spend a couple minutes just breathing and the feel of the person next to you. If it doesn’t feel comfortable at first, give it a chance. You won’t be sitting like this for long.
Treasure Hunt!
One person keeps their eyes closed or with a soft gaze. The other goes on a brief treasure hunt nearby looking for a natural object.
Find something small from nature that is loose (no picking!) such as a pinecone, interesting leaf, smooth stone, piece of bark. Something with texture.
Return quietly. Gently place the treasure in your partner’s open hands. Don’t tell them what it is. Don’t whisper hints.
Eyes still closed or with a soft gaze, ask your partner to explore the treasure with their fingers. Is the texture rough or smooth? Does it feel warm or cool? Is it heavy or light? Is it round, flat, ridged?
Guess what the treasure is before you open your eyes.
Ask your partner to open their eyes and look at what they’ve been holding. Did they guess correctly? Were they surprised? Share why you chose this particular treasure for them.
Trade roles. Now it’s your partner’s turn to go on a treasure hunt and you stay with closed eyes or a soft gaze. Repeat the same process: explore, guess, discuss.
Sit in Silence
Sit together again, holding your treasures. Close your eyes or have a soft gaze. Agree on how long to sit in silence. When your time is complete, ask each other one question: what are you noticing?
That’s it. That’s the practice.
Just 20 minutes of shared attention on the world around you instead of the relationship between you.
Why This Works
When you sit shoulder-to-shoulder with someone, your heart rates begin to stabilize together, your breath patterns influence each other, and stress hormones drop (Uvnäs-Moberg et al., 2015; Feldman, 2012).
This is the same mechanism that helps bird flocks move in unison and keeps animal herds calm. Your nervous systems recognize safety in proximity.
Sitting side-by-side (instead of face-to-face) removes the pressure of eye contact and “performing” connection. You’re both looking outward at the same world, which creates what researchers call joint attention, which is a shift from worrying about the relationship to experiencing the same reality together (Kaplan & Kaplan, 1989).
Translation: Less awkward. More calm. Possibly transformative.
Did you try Side-by-Side?
Share:
- What surprised you about sitting side-by-side instead of face-to-face?
- What treasures did you find?
- What did you notice?
If you post your practice or treasures to Instagram be sure to tag @sitspotclub.
*Characters adapted from public domain Fleischer Studios illustrations (1930s)
